he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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