as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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