I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize