lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
