I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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