Don't make out with my wife yet
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She even gives head with a lisp.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
