You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
