i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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