we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
