I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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