I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
