That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
