She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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