fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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