sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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