great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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