I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
