In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
