just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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