I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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