So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
