How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how drunk are you?
Several
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
