Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
