I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
