She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
