WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize