I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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