there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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