This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
