You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
