I wish life had little blips of pornography
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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