The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
