Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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