Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
