my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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