you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
