I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
