I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
