I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
