R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
