It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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