Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
