btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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