So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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