The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you made out with another girl for some wings
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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