Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
