I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
