i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize