I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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