my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize