I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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