but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
