Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
