She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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