Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
