her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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