will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
