The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Boobs speak an international language.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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