Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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