I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
