i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize