Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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