Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
