if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
