she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Boobs speak an international language.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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