I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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