He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
