You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
