these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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