hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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