If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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