pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
