i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
FUCK WHALES
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