The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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