Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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