she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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