Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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