When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
